Apple Jacks, breakfast of men.

I love Apple Jacks. They entice me to wake up every morning with their appley taste. If you've ever had them, you know that it's an experience to be remembered. I could go on about the taste, but I think it speaks for itself. Just look at its advertising in recent years, or lack thereof. Does it have an ad campaign or slogan? They had one cool commercial in the late 90's I remember based on an optical illusion. But where is the mascot? Huh? Where's the rabbit? Where's the bear? Where's the pedophilic leprechaun? Where's the friggin' eight-foot talking tiger, huh?? Oh, and who can forget that retired navy captain armed with Szalinski's shrinking ray. It has no mascot, it needs no mascot. Apple Jack's sells itself!

I think that Apple Jack's is a man's cereal. Yea, this is the revolutionary Kellogg's cereal that may seem geared towards kids, but it is in fact a man's cereal. Not necessarily in the "grownup" sense, but you can feel like a stuntman after eating this stuff. Has anyone tried it recently? Man, I was in pain today because my tongue was cut to pieces after eating Apple Jacks for two days. I can see it now: frat boys challenging eachother to down boxes of Apple Jacks, bleeding like Niagra falls. Boys everywhere being hospitalized with fissured tongues. It'll be the new trend, the new challenge, the new man-measure. Heck, Kellogg's could just say "are you man enough for Apple Jacks?" and they'd sell like, well, Apple Jacks. Yea, there's no beating around the bush with this cereal, no mascots or facades. Kellogg's has created the cereal of legend. Breakfast of champions? No. Breakfast of men. 'Nuff said.

It should be noted:
Wikipedia says around 1971, the official mascots became "The Apple Jacks Kids", a boy and girl simplistically-drawn as if by crayon. The commercials featured the children singing and tumbling around. Their reign lasted almost twenty years, making them the most well-known Apple Jacks mascots and most universally associated with the cereal in the public's memory. During this time, the Apple Jacks jingle became an integral part of the ad campaign: "A is for apple, J is for Jacks, Cinnamon-toasty Apple Jacks!" Since the late 1980s, the children haven't been printed on the box or used in the commercials.

So basically they caught on early enough and stopped the mascot masquerade. Just look where the man's cereal came from: check this out. It's a sad step to see in its early development process, but it should come as a lesson to all cereals striving to greatness: cut the mascots. They're freaking scary.